Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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