Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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