They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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