Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
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