I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
