I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
