Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
