I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
