Im at strip club and am horny
Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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