i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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