The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
