My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Someone came in the potted fern
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
