Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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