Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
