Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
