im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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