What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
