On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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