oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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