Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
