i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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