He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
