the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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