I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
