I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
