I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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