Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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