dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
