as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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