Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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