If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
