I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
