Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Randomize
