He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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