The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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