Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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