Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
