Swine flu. Run for my life!
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
