Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
