Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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