I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
