The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
