woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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