I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
