As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
