He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
