Please, let me fuck your mom
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
