the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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