you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
