his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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