dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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