I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I will be naked everywhere
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
