What did we do last night that was yellow?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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