yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
