I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
