Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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