If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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