I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize
