dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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