Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Randomize
