For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
