Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
