So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
it glows. i had to have it.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
