Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
