apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize