Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
