Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
then he tried to convert me to islam
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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