Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
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