Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
