The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Randomize
