You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
