I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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