Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
