I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
