I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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