Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
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