To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
