you have to choose: penises or morals?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
50% drunk capacity currently
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
