You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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