So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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