well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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